Truth time: I have a real love/hate relationship with Essie. When I saw the Summer Neon Collection 2014 in a local store I immediately loved the colors (I also wondered what the what they were doing there since their official release date isn't until May 1st). When I got home and swatched them, my love dissolved into hatred. Little Bottles of Hatred.
You know how Essie is notorious for being hit-or-miss when it comes to the formula? Like, sometimes the formula is the perfect consistency so that it doesn't flood the cuticles but it glides on like melted fricking butter and is self-levelling? And sometimes it's watery and streaky and it feels like the polish is purposefully applying in weird plateaus?
I'm no polish-applying expert, but the formula for these falls into the latter category in my book. It blows all the butts.
That being said...
Too Taboo is the best of the worst in this collection in terms of formula. It's described as a "vivid intense fuchsia" which I'd say is pretty spot-on. It applied somewhat streaky with the first coat but evened out by the second and dried with a slight matte finish which I actually kind of liked.
Shown below is two coats over white without topcoat.
Chills & Thrills looked like it would be my favorite in the bottle but it applied like a nightmaaare. In my swatching notes I literally wrote 'ugh' and underlined it. Described as "supercharged neon blue violet," it's a touch more violet-leaning than my photos show. I loved the color but its refusing to level out kind of ruined our special moment together.
Shown below is 3 teeth-grinding, lumpy-ass coats over white without topcoat.
Vices Versa is the exact color of Slimer from Ghostbusters, described as "juicy neon lime." I don't have much to say about this one. I like the color all right, but the formula was a little rebellious and had some issues with leveling out. Dried to a semi-matte finish.
Shown below is three coats over white with no topcoat.
I'm Addicted is described as a "neon aquamarine blue." The formula was quite streaky and not very self-leveling. It's a pretty color but I feel like it would have worked out just fine as a creme. It didn't really read neon to me, you know?
Shown below is three coats over white without topcoat.
Sittin' Pretty is described as a "fluorescent berry hibiscus" which kind of sounds insane. It's, like, lilac. It also photographs a bit blue-r than it is in real life so I adjusted the color to reflect the actual shade. This polish was SO SHEER. I wrote "pretty but not worth it." Yep.
Shown Below is four coats over white without topcoat.
Finally there's Serial Shopper which is described as a "fluorescent fire coral" but my camera describes it as "nope." It photographed as neon orange but in real life looks a lot closer to the color that's in the bottle in my pictures. I tried to adjust the color for accuracy but there's just, like, no way. This one self-leveled the best but the formula was still pretty streaky.
Shown below is four coats (though you could probably get away with three) over white without topcoat.
Overall, I'm super underwhelmed. Essie needs to get its sh together with the formula issues already! If I had to choose colors to recommend, I would say Too Taboo and Serial Shopper were the two that didn't make me want to rip my hair out.
What do you guys think? Does the formula issue dissuade you from getting any of the colors? Do you think I'm just an impatient polish sissy? Do tell!
LOVE your descriptions! How extremely sad to hear these didn't work out, although I guess it's not that surprising.
ReplyDeleteBoo. :(
Thank you!! They're nice to look at in the bottle, anyway.
Deletewhere did you get them??
ReplyDeleteAt the risk of getting anyone in trouble (can that happen? For putting out a collection early?) I got them from a local grocery store.
DeleteI also ran across these in a grocery store (Giant Eagle in central Ohio) a couple days ago. I didn't know they were supposed to be out in May. But I was trying to run up my bill to score fuelperks, so I grabbed Chills & Thrills. That will teach me to be an early adopter. Not seeing good things here and on beautygeeks which linked me here. I swatched it on a nail wheel yesterday and thought it was fine, we'll see what happens when I go to actually wear it. But I have to admit I have several bottles of Essie and I never wear them....probably only have worn either She's Picture Perfect and/or Using my Maiden Name, pretty much the same. :O
Delete!!! Apparently it's a thing, then! Yeah, that's exactly where, hahaha. Except slightly further north. And east.
DeleteOhiooooooooooooo. Now that I know Big Bird does this, I'll have to keep my eyes out for early releases!
OMG so yeah I just about peed myself laughing at this review. Not your swatches but the review as you described it had me in tears!!! 3 teeth-grinding, lumpy-ass coats over white without topcoat is what did it for me. I'm now following because I can't wait to read your next post!!!!!!!!!! Oh and yes Essie, get that ish together!! These are too pretty to suck so bad!
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteThese ARE to pretty to suck so bad! Well put. I feel that way a lot about Essie and yet I continue to have high hopes...
Yes ma'am. Formula issues put these in my no buy column. Thanks for the quick reviews! I really like all the colors, but I am not too patient when I have to do so many coats, or paint on top coat to have a level finish.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I'm saying! If I'm going to spend loads of time applying polish it's going to be in a fancy way, not just trying to get the coats to look even.
DeleteAlso you're welcome!
Gaaahhhh I am so bummed about this! They had so much promise. On the bright side, I was super entertained reading your review. Thanks for the heads up!
ReplyDeleteOn the BRIGHT side! Eh? Eh??
DeleteYou're welcome! Man. I'm going to be blacklisted by Essie with this review. Ha ha.
LOL loving that you made a negative post into something hilarious to read! I had such high hopes for Vice Versa - still on the hunt for the perfect limey neon cream!
ReplyDeleteI just read a press sample about OPI releasing a summer neon collection and I immediately thought about this comment! You should check it out!
DeleteI can't really say I'm surprised, give Essie's track record and neons in general. But still, BOOOOOOOO! I love neons and I'm bummed these aren't good.
ReplyDeleteMan, don't you know it? But like I said Essie does certain polishes so wonderfully I guess I was just hoping that these would be, uh, those. Womp womp.
DeleteI can't stop laughing over your review, honestly! But thank you for reviewing these for me so I can skip this collection! :P
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome! Just doing my part in the name of polish. Girl you know I got yo back.
DeleteThank you! I love Essie and neons and was drooling over these, but if they're that hard to work with, I'll pass.
ReplyDeleteGreat review, BTW. ;-)
Thanks!! I was lucky in that I literally read about the collection the day I saw them in the store, so I didn't really have time to get my hopes up, you know?
DeleteNope, none of the colors are "special" enough to put up with their "special" formula!
ReplyDeleteHa ha! I totally follow that rule. I don't have many polishes that I just 'put up' with. And there really wasn't anything here that I hadn't seen before, so yeah.
DeleteHaha, your post had me cracking up! Not because of the clear trauma you experienced but because of the way you told us.
ReplyDeleteWon't be needing these then...... ;)
Great post
T
(A new follower!)
YEAH!!! Thanks! I hope you felt the severity of my pain. :)
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ReplyDeleteVery interesting review. Sad that they didn't perform well! Did you layer them over an Essie white? I love all my other Essies and they level out so nicely usually!
DeleteI didn't use an Essie white but that coat was definitely smooth. I do have a few other Essies that really do even out. I remember the first time I used one that did that and was amazed.
DeleteThis is an excellent blog post!! Well written and I always love a little laugh!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks! I'm glad you think so. I'm usually a very serious person so I decided to go out of my character for this post.
DeleteNot.
I absolutely loved your swatches! Awesome and to the point. It's too bad though, because there are some really pretty colors in there. Do they need to be applied on a white base color? Are they too transparent otherwise?
ReplyDeleteThe more pigmented colors like Too Taboo and Chills & Thrills would probably look all right without a white base but the white really does bring out the brightness of the polishes. The others, I'd say, are definitely too sheer to be used without the white.
DeleteThank you, by the way!
The formula on Chills & Thrills was so bad when the sales girl and I at Kohls tried to swatch it, it had already separated and was a mess! Too bad too that's the one I wanted most. I got I'm Addicted, Vices Versa and Sittin' Pretty anyway. At least Vices Versa glows under black light the other two don't. I did I'm Addicted as a pedi and it's cute. Nothing to write home over but it wasn't icky either.
ReplyDeleteThat's insane about Chills & Thrills. To think it went through some kind of testing process and they were just like 'ehhh... people will still buy it'. I'm glad I'm Addicted worked out on ya toesies! I'm definitely not saying these aren't for everybody, but for the time/patience I have to be able to put into painting my nails, these just don't do it for me.
DeleteLove your review! Too funny! Is there a collection with similar bright, neon-ish colors that you would recommend?? Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank you! :3
DeleteNeons, I've come to understand, have kind of a trickier formula in general. I haven't got a great deal of neon polishes in my collection, so I can't honestly attest to the formulas of other brands as a whole. I can tell you that OPI is releasing a neon collection on June 1st, and I'm hardly ever disappointed by OPI's formula.
I think the reason so many people were excited about this collection is because most of the colors were unique in terms of what one usually thinks of as neon, does that make sense?
Your best bet would probably be to google reviews of neon collections (China Glaze has a couple colors from collections that stand out) to see what reviewers said about the formulas, since I am so embarrassingly inexperienced (sigh, haha).
Today is the release day of the collection -- I'm sure there will be more reviews popping up soon. This review wasn't necessarily meant to deter you from getting these; I'm still pretty new when it comes to the delicacies of not applying nail polish like a caveman. You might have better luck with application than me. :)
I just swatched the entire collection. I didn't have much issue. The only one that was a 3 coater was Vices Versa. I'm not sure why you had so much of an issue,lol. I don't think I'd call this collection neon though. I think the closest would be the green.
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome that they didn't give you any trouble! It's totally possible that I'm just not accustomed to the neon formula and I unfairly expected this collection to behave like a standard creme collection. That being said, I treated this review the same as I do every review; I apply the polishes the way I would any other polish of this type and honestly document my experiences and I was disappointed overall. In other news, Vices Versa is definitely the most neon of the bunch, you're right! :)
DeleteI got two of this colours Too taboo and chills & thrills, and of course I chose without having read your review. i was almost regretting to have bought them once I red it, but decided to try them all the same and, maybe I got lucky? but mine are perfectly fine! yes... formula is on the thick side, but totally self leveling and manageable. I hardly had to do any clean up. They dried rather quickly, I wonder if you might have got a bad batch or I got a good one, LOL. Haven't read other reviews yet. BTW I live in Switzerland, and bought them at my grocers store.
ReplyDeleteYeah!! Well, that's awesome then. I can't imagine a huge brand like Essie having TOO different of batches in terms of thick/thinness, but I guess it's possible. My problem with the formula on most of these was mostly how thin/streaky they were. There are some really positive reviews of this collection out there too, so I'm glad you didn't read this one beforehand and had success. :)
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